just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
