apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
