i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
