i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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