If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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