Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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