so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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