you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
