I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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