If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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