last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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