I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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