"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You pole danced in your parka.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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