When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
