Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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