Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
