I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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