btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
