i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
