I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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