while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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