exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
