U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
