While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
