Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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