She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
