Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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