Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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