I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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