It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
