Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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