There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
