Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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