...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
