I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
