When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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