chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
