My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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