I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Randomize
