peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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