You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
