dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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