To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
