She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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