Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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