We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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