Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
