The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
