the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
