bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
