your room smells of hookers.
And success
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Randomize
